


The Next Step

by Miss_McMarlow



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, But all I got was feels, Feelings, Friendship/Love, Gen, Graphic Description, I tried fluff, Multi, Other, Past Torture, Pining, Rey kicks ass as a pilot, Sad at First, Serious?, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Space Opera, Unrequited Love, background oc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_McMarlow/pseuds/Miss_McMarlow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Returning from Starkiller Base; Rey, Finn, and Poe try to figure out the next steps to take on their respective journeys and defeat the First Order</p><p>A deeper look into emotions behind the characters. Basically my aimless episode 8. </p><p>NOW WITH 30% MORE PLOT!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story starts just before the end of The Force Awakens, So spoilers abound...
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> Also,Beta? My spelling and grammar is atrocious when I projectile vomit this stuff at mostly 3am. So please forgive me and let me know where I messed up in the comments so I may fix it and be spared further shame.

Chewbacca placed Finn gently down on the second bunk in the Millennium Falcon. The new-found ally was limp and motionless, dripping with melting snow and blood. He was laying in the same cot Chewy had laid in not so long ago when the wookie had tried to wrestle away the young man’s haphazard attempts of first aid. The human pup now reminded Chewy of how fragile and terribly short human life was and he let out a low, remorseful howl. For Finn. For Han. 

“I need you over here!” the strained voice of Rey was from the cockpit. Chewy gently restrained Finn for flight and headed to help. 

Rey was trying unsuccessfully to stay calm. Her hands shook as they scrambled across the controls. Tears threatened to well up and blur her vision. Not good when you’re trying to fly a spaceship. Command was asking where they were, what their status was. Rey was trying to shut off three separate warning alarms while fumbling to find the communicator. It was across the cockpit and she couldn’t reach it while still steering.The falcon now had a nasty lean to the left. She did not have the words to tell them the situation at the moment. In the midst of her panic, Chewy entered the cockpit, slammed a button and yelled something back to the pilots. She threw him a thankful look and tried to clear her mind and only think about the next step... getting Finn back safe.  

By all accounts the Millennium Falcon should not be flying. Everything was breaking down. The stabilizers were shot from the impact. Hydraulics were spewing a trail of compression fluid outside. They had no deflector shields anymore, and the Novaldex shields indicator had a blinking red light which was probably no good. The Flux stabilizer seemed ok, but re-entering hyperspace would be a serious risk. With the controller/Interpreter damaged she would have to do it manually. Thankfully Nav and life support were still online,

Entering hyperspace manualy was like walking a tightrope in a hurricane, then landing on a penny 13 Parsecs away. Rey felt the Falcon heave and bend as she focused on the task at hand. Flying came as easily as breathing for her. She steadied her breath and the ship. The journey from the exploded starkiller base to the resistance base was the smoothest and fastest the millennium falcon had flown in a long time. But to Rey, the seconds ticked by like hours . 

The ship touched down with a groan. Rey followed as Chewie swiftly and gently carried Finn to the waiting medical unit. General Organa was there, they locked eyes as the general approached. Her worry and sorrow halted Rey in her tracks. The pleading in her eyes asked questions Rey did not want to answer, and she didn’t have to.  General Leia Organa Solo could see it in Rey's eyes. She can feel her emotions, see the memories,   She wanted to know what had happened but Rey could also feel the general’s emotions. This woman loved Han Solo. Rey felt the love and hope and crushed faith. This woman loved Kylo Ren, Except he was still ben in her mind.  Fears realised like the sensation of falling. Frustration. Confusion. Fears realised like the sensation of falling. Frustration. Confusion. grasping for strength. Anger was there, but released into pure sorrow - like a cold wind that blows through you.Rey felt a lifetime of memories, and the waves of emotion threatened to drown her, but she bent with the flow.

Unlike Kylo’s trick which felt like an invasion of her being, this felt like an opening to a safe home; Leia laid her emotions and fears out in front of Rey to trust in her and to give her the truth, and so Rey responded in kind.Loneliness and crushed dreams, hope of acceptance, love and respect for a flash of a moment, then a future destroyed in front of her. Rage giving way to frustration ending in exhaustion. The moment, although sad, was monumental for the girl who had been alone for so long. Who had been strong for so long. Rey looked at the woman she had never before met yet now knew so deeply, and hugged her   There was a feeling of comfort in being in the general arms, like a calm motherly love.

 

\------------------

 

Rey woke up with a jolt, covered in a cold sweat in a foreign room. She felt like she had been asleep forever. Her mind replayed the last few memories in a frenzy. The battle.. Finn! She was told he was “going to be just fine”. What did that even mean?  Memories still trickling in and flooding her brain. She found herself aching and dizzy. 

She scanned the room. It was clean and utilitarian; concrete floors, grey walls,  a door and a window looking out to a misty morning. People were outside, running in formation. There were the sounds of commands and cadence songs through the thin walls. She had a heavy blanket, and a pillow. There was a row of lockers and a small table next to her bed. The room was small yet she basked in it’s luxury. It all seemed so strange, because nothing was rusty and covered in sand. 

There was also an official communi-gram on the table. She picked it up and activated it. 

“General Organa requests formal debriefing in Delta building at 1100 hours.” A uniformed stranger announced from the object. The device then projected a map of the base and her location. She scanned the map, but not for Delta building. Not yet. There was somewhere she had to visit first. 

At the base’s main medical facility, she wandered purposefully until she found him. Sort of. Finn was unrecognizable in the bacta tank with all the tubes pumping things in and out of him as he floated, listless, in the blue goo. Rey approached through the doorway of the room like it was evil. The room was eerily quiet say for the soft hum of the machinery, the beeps of monitors, the filters. Interrupted by the clinking and soft taps of doids going about their business, the room seemed sterile and devoid of life.

Between the medical droids Rey could see the full extent of the damage Kylo Ren had inflicted on the boy who came back for her. Her eyes traced up the large gash in his back to the deep hole in his shoulder, she could see down to muscle and watched as the exposed flesh swayed in the tank’s gentle current. She also saw other scars, scars with unknown origins and stories. She wondered if Finn would ever tell her. Breath caught in her throat. She looked up at his face, it was foreign from the one she knew. His normally bright eyes were closed, his face bloated and distorted in the liquid. He looked…gone. 

A tear escaped her composure as she fought the urge to cry  by focusing on Finn’s chest movements. and the rhythmic bubbles escaping the tubes from his nose and mouth. He was alive, and he was fighting to stay that way. She felt guilty being in here, seeing him this vulnerable. But she had to come. She had to recognise his efforts, his sacrifices. Facing her fears and the reality of the situation, she put her hand up to the glass. The awkward warmth of the tank was a shock to her, but she held her hand firm. A moment of solidarity for her friend. She wanted to physically will him better. 

There was a sound by the door to the clinic. Rey turned with a start, scared she was in trouble for trespassing. But it was only BB-8. The droid came rolling in and chirped salutations at seeing her again. Rey shook herself from her sad haze and remembered she was awaited by the general. She would wait with Finn, but right now, there was still a debriefing she had to give.  

Outside the door of the medical building an orange clad pilot hunched over a trashcan, heaving. Rey gave one last look back at her friend in the tank and continued to the generals location. 

It would be a week before Finn was out of the tank, but Rey would be there by his side. 

 

The pilot would be there too.  


	2. Chapter 2

“WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” 

Poe Dameron shouted into the communicator. Riding the high that justly came from shooting the fatal shot into the Starkiller. THE KIERFING STARKILLER!

“OH YEAHH!!!!!!”

The sentiment was echoed in kind by the rest of his squadron. As the revelry continued over the communication channels. After months of diminishing supplies and stalemate skirmishes. The resistance had only scraps of information and no hope of destroying that monstrosity of a weapon. The Starkiller base, or planet or whatever it was called that had just  BLOWN UP 5 ENTIRE PLANETS!!!! And not just any planets - core Planets! Half the Hosnain System! Planets made entirely of cities! Civilians! The galactic government! Families! LIFE! Five beautiful, densely populated, innocent planets gone without a shred of remorse. 

Planets. 

Starkiller brought destruction to an unfathomable level of evil. There will be mourning. A hundred years of mourning.But tonight, what’s left of the universe can sleep well knowing no more planets were going to explode. Not while this squadron was on the job!! Poe’s heart lept and joined back into the flood of cheering, whooping and overall joyus noises. 

His mind wandered in his glee to the hero that made this all possible. 

Finn. The ex-stormtrooper was the most unlikely of allies, yet here he was AGAIN saving everyone’s collective bacon. Poe had accepted his fate as a martyr for the resistance and was praying for a quick execution when Finn had showed up. Finn with his bright eyes and frantic hope. Poe wanted the hope from Finn’s eyes like a parched man wants water.  He seemed compelled then to the trooper, but at the time brushed it off as near death desperation. Then, once again, Finn seemed to come back from the dead and provide the information vital to destroying the Starkiller. That beautiful soul just came out of nowhere and saved the day. Twice! Poe made a mental note that he was going to go straight to that sun-of-a-gun when he landed and give him a thousand jackets. 

Landing on D’Qar, he planned to do just that. Wading his way through hugs and highfives, greeted by fellow pilots and everyone on base, Poe spotted the colossal relic of the the Millennium Falcon land. He ran to meet the returning the hero as the entry pad lowered. Then the situation dawned on him. Poe’s smiling face fell as he recognised his jacket and the wearer draped over the wookies arms. Poe reached him the same time the Medical crew did. He may or may not have also shoved someone out of the way. He needed to see it was Finn. 

Poe climbed onto the back of the medical truck. Vying for space with an impatient medic. Finn’s face was wet and cold to the touch. He was unresponsive when poe grabbed his hand and looked down at him.There was a shout. “We got a pulse!” and the vehicle started to leave. 

“Hang in there, buddy. You hear me.”

Poe was not letting go. He ran with the truck, but the other pilots were still celebrating around him and he could not get away from them. As he was congratulated for his flight and one hell of a win, he watched Finn ride off to the medical bay. 

There were several stages of the unofficial party that night in the pilot’s barracks. The first part was joy, pure excitement and happiness over the victory. Poe did not feel like celebrating, but looking into the eyes of his remaining men, anything less would be a betrayal of all their sacrifices. Luckily the first stage quickly transitioned into the second stage, which was drinking. Heavy drinking.The tone grew harder as night went on. It was a rebellious celebration in the face of the First Order. They danced and drank, releasing anger and sorrow and happiness. The pilots and the rest of the resistance celebrated their victory and mourned their dead at the same time. Some slipped away to sob on a balcony. Some aimlessly sped through the forest of D’Qar at top speed until their mind was as empty as their fuel cells. Others drank till they were numb and looked up at the swirling night sky. The resistance had lost half their already diminished fleet in this last skirmish. The commander was not the only one who remembered what their numbers once were. 

Poe did not remember which of all of these activities did he participate in. He remembered staggering to his barracks. He remembered as he was undressing, he noticed the small splotch of red where Finn’s blood had stained his jumpsuit. His hands shook as he removed the outfit. In an exhausted sob, he vaguely recalled slamming onto his cot.

 

Then it was morning. Life seemed relentless.

 

Poe got up like clockwork. His body complained heavily, but his will was stronger. He showered, assembled himself, fixed his hair and ignored the increasingly dark bags under his eyes. It was time for breakfast, but he was in no mood to consume rations. Which meant he had some spare time before morning dailies. He walked to the medical building. BB-8 followed.

Checking in with the nurses, he was told Finn is in a Bacta tank. There is a no visitor policy for that area, but after a sweet smile and a pleading look, the nurse does him a favor. 

“I owe you one” He says with a wink and the blue-skin nurse swoons. 

He follows the directions he was given through the medical ward and down a hall to the hidden corridor with the tanks. Finding the room, he does not recognise the patient in the vat. What caught his eye was the raggedy girl who was trespassing. Poe was going to say something to her, but he froze as she placed a tentative hand on the wall of the tank.

He noticed only then how young both of them were. In an instant he knew what she must have been  feeling; He had mimicked her action when he visited his mother just before the sudden illness took her. Poe could no longer look at Finn or the girl; the thought of losing Finn now echoed the hard pain of losing his mother. The memories from that horrible time in his life when he was eight resurfaced like a punch in the gut. That and the alcohol still lingering in his system now made Poe look for a trashcan quick. Tripping over BB-8 as he made a b-line across the hall and found himself heaving out the breakfast he hadn’t eaten, and the dinner he had drank.

 

No one saw the commander's embarrassing moment of vulnerability. The raggedy girl had not even noticed him. She was talking to hs BB unit. They were walking toward Delta Building. 

 

In the men’s room, after splashing some water on his face and rinsing the bile from his mouth, Poe tried to find himself in the mirror. ‘ _ Gather yourself, Dameron. _ ’ Poe thought to himself.  Looking into the mirror. He gave a determined sigh, a smile, and a quick wink to his reflection. Then he straightened up and was once again the pilot everyone knew.

 

Except now he was late for the morning meeting… 


	3. Chapter 3

Rey found the general at the command center in Delta building. She was not alone, there were several other important-looking officers in the room with her discussing things in hushed yet  urgent tones. The general was in the middle of it all nodding to their murmurs and responding in soft and decisive fashion.. 

She spied Rey from the corner of her eye and gave a nod that she would talk to her in a moment. Rey grew uneasy. She thought this was going to be a private debriefing. She took a seat at the opposite end of the round table next to an R2 unit and a bronze droid. 

Eventually, the officers dispersed from their secret corner meeting and made their way to the table. As everyone took their seats, the pilot from before rushed in and took the only available seat, which was also next to Rey.

General Leia Organa stayed standing.

“First off, I want to congratulate everyone on a massive victory against the First Order.” There was a moment of cheers.The general remained stone faced. “Commander Dameron, Great work. your squadron continues to excel in every way.” More applause. The pilot next to Rey nodded and smiled. Another officer clapped him on the back.

“Our thoughts and wishes for a speedy recovery go to Finn for his bravery and irreplaceable intel. None of this would have been possible without his assistance.”    
Afterwards she motioned a hand towards Rey.    
“I would also like to welcome Rey to D’Qar and the resistance.” Everyone looked at Rey.

She froze. 

“The First Order is far from defeated. After the destruction and massacre of the Hosian system, they will be preparing for an all out war. Even without the Starkiller they hold the biggest naval armada in this Galaxy and remain a serious threat. Our scouts indicate The First Order has retreated from the offense for the moment.” Her voice was strong but haggard. “I want to know what dark hole they’ve sulked off into to lick their wounds and I want every scrap of tech they’ve left behind in their retreat.”

An old Mon Calamari stood and proceeded to list abandoned bases and some Tie fighters adrift that could be salvaged. The general listened intently with pursed lips and a scowl. “Support from the senate will be a slow argument and only after elections have completed. We need someone who can garner a lot of support in a small amount of time. We won’t survive another assault without Luke. Where are we with completing the rest of the map?” 

Around the room the officers shifted in their seats, No one had any new information. The pilot Dameron next to her hunched low in his chair.  

Suddenly, the image of the completed map was in her mind. Where had she seen it?

“The First Order has the rest of it” Rey announced, remembering her mental interrogation with Kylo Ren.

There was a murmur that spread through the table like a wave. Rey felt the burn of all eyes at the table on her again.  “They took it from old Imperial archives” She continued to remember.

The pilot turned to her “The empire?”

Another officer confirmed ”It makes sense. They had been looking for jedi temples to destroy, their categorization of the unknown region of the galaxy are probably much more filled.”

“It seems Luke did not choose his exile by chance then. Perhaps he sees to go back to the original Jedi temple for guidance.” The elderly, squid-faced commander interjected. 

“But the empire collapsed long before Luke exiled himself. “ the pilot countered. 

There was some frantic beeping in the corner of the room as the R2 unit became very active. 

The meeting Paused as the Bronze Droid went over to it. “R2? What is it?“ 

With a whirl of circuitry, Rey could almost see the dust rise as the old R2 rattled and beeped.

“R2 has the rest of the map?” She repeated in astonishment. 

“He has an extensive database of imperial records from the information the princess acquired from the original Death Star.”  The bronze droid confirmed. 

R2D2 then shot out a blue projection of a much larger incomplete map. 

BB-8 rolled over to Poe and bleeped for the missing piece of map, the pilot handed it to him and then the two droids projected the full image together. 

Rey was in awe. She felt the weight of the lightsaber in her messenger bag, and knew what she had to do. 

“Luke” The general whispered. 

“R2! You did it!” The droid exclaimed joyously. 

A new hope filled the room. Rey continued to gape at the map as the room erupted in cheers and hugs around her. Everyone seemed to be hugging everyone.

She was swept up into the commotion when the pilot turned and hugged her, too. 

She was taken back by the gesture. The pilot, realizing her discomfort, was taken back by his  forwardness. They disconnected and Rey flushed, getting a good look at the pilot for the first time and noticing how handsome he was. 

This was a very huggy planet, She noted to herself.

“Uh, hi. I’m Poe”  He managed. Scratching the back of his head nervously. 

“Poe. Poe Dameron?” She smiled “ The x-wing pilot? I have heard a lot about you.” 

“Ah, my reputation proceeds me.” 

Her smile simultaneously made Poe less and more nervous. 

“I’m Rey” She added. 

“Oh I know, BB-8 has told me a lot about you too” 

“Oh?”

“BB-8 says you’re the craziest pilot in the ‘verse.” He joked.

“Finn says you’re the best pilot pilot in the resistance.” She returned his smile “We should compare notes some time.”

They shared a little laugh together. There was an easy connection. Was this a friend? Rey was not used to having friends. Friends and hugging. Poe was as alien to her as the comfy bed she woke up in. But she liked both. 

The moment was broken by General Organa approaching the two. “Rey, I am charging you with the mission of returning Luke to D’quar. You will head out with R2D2 in the Millennium Falcon as soon as Chewy gets it flight ready.” 

The two froze. Their expressions dropped. 

The general scowled. Poe immediately composed himself. “General, with all due respect, this has been my mission for months.” His breath caught in his throat. Was this because he had failed on Jakku?

Organa read his emotions. “You have done your job exceedingly well Dameron. Now, your skills as a fighter are needed here. We cannot have a valuable pilot and commander to be indisposed for indeterminate amount of time. Our numbers are low as it is.” The general then turned to Rey “Luke will need persuading. He might be more susceptible to return if he knows there are more force sensitives in need of guidance” She smiled at Rey. 

“Force sensitive?” Poe looked at Rey with surprise.

“I had planned to stay with Finn until he wakes up.”  Rey stated, avoiding Poe’s gaze.

“Understandable, but impossible. It is not known if the First Order has the completed map, or when they will complete it. Luke’s immediate return is imperative to the resistance. The return of a jedi would mark a moral shift in negotiations towards dealing with the First Order.” Leia shifted her tone to one slightly softer as she placed a hand on the young girl’s arm. “Finn will be fine. The doctors have assured me he is stable and expect a full recovery” 

She was then called away by some other officers. The two young pilots looked at each other awkwardly. Both equally disappointed with their new orders. 


	4. Chapter 4

At the Millennium Falcon, Chewy was already assessing the damage. He growled and huffed in the engineering grid as he ripped out dead equipment in need of replacing. Rey followed behind him (at a safe distance) as he rummaged the ship leaving piles of useless parts in his wake. She scribbled down the parts on a list and soon found herself overwhelmed. 

“Where are we gonna get replacements for all this!” She wondered out loud. “Do they even make Torpex Tandem computers anymore?”  

Chewbacca made an angry howl and shrugged. He had earlier in the day converted one of the escape pods into a room and had just decided his workday was done. Rey huffed, and tried to protest, but the wookie closed the escape hatch in her face and moaned for her to leave him alone.

 

“Stubborn... over emotional…. fur bag.” She was still grumbling when she entered the requisitions building. She knew it was a mistake. The overworked and exasperated Twi’leki stared for a moment at her list then sort of screeched a hysterical laugher. She grabbed the list back and glared at him before walking away. 

“Commander Dameron!” She heard the Twi’leki exclam and she noticed the pilot was also in line for supplies. 

The supply manager mumbled something to the pilot and continued his manic laughter. The pilot did not seem amused. He slipped out of the cue and caught up to Rey. 

“Dameron.” She acknowledged his presence without looking over. 

“Just Rey” He returned with the same nonchalance.Rey was caught off guard. Back on Jakku, when BB-8 asked for her last name, she told the little droid it was “Just Rey.”  His reference to a conversation BB-8 and Rey had shared made her briefly wondered just how much the droid was telling the pilot and how much was the pilot asking about her...

“You need parts?” He asked

“I will find them somewhere.” She stated flatly.

“I have no doubt of that. In fact, I am relying on it. We are heading out on a scavenging mission, We could use your eye.” 

Rey stopped and turned to him. Her cautious eyes looked him over. 

Poe looked suave and trustworthy. Almost too much so. He just seemed to just ooze charm. She was wary of him, but his eyes had a sad honesty to them.

“How good are you at flying an x-wing?” He asked.

“I can fly anything.” 

A broad smile grew across Poe’s face. The determination in her look disproved the thought he had that she was quoting a line he had told Finn. 

The girl had spunk. 

“Good!” He grinned and clapped her on the back “The hangars this way” 

 

Each Hangar held six aircraft. Only one was lit. As the sun was just beginning to set the glow from the yellow lights in the hangar made it seem warm and welcoming. The familiar smell of oil and metal with faint wisps of warp drive exhaust greeted her. She was quickly introduced to the other pilots getting ready for the mission. 

“This is Snap.” Poe mentioned at a taller bearded human working behind his ship. 

“Temmin Wexley” Snap corrected. Wiping some oil from his hands and shaking hers. “But no one calls me that unless I’m in trouble”  

They walked further along the hagar.

“Lolo Arana is the mysterious looking one in his ship right now,  Karé Kun is the hottie refueling” He winked at the long legged pilot. She proceeded to perform a vulgar gesture at him in return.

“ Jessica Pava is the lovely lady working on the droid” Pava looked up from her BB unit and nodded.

“And then there’s Nien Nunb, he’s the old hand of the place. Been flying since before all of us were even born. He’s basically just eats, sleeps and kicks ass.” Nub uttered something amiable in a fluid sounding language that was unfamiliar to Rey.

“And that’s everyone!” He proclaimed, Holding his hands up and gesturing around the near empty hangar. He smiled but his voice had a sad biting humor to it. As if his optimism cracked for a moment and exposed some bitterness. Rey was going to ask where the rest of the pilots were, but Poe’s tone indicated she knew the sad answer already. 

“Over here is the training wing. We are going to test your abilities before you go space-side, ok?”

“Ok.”  Rey replied.

Poe went over over the basics fairly quickly then gave a motion to her. “Ready?” 

“Right now?” She choked. She would have prefered more time getting to know the machine. A look under the hood, and some time watching others fly.

“Not ready?”

“No. no. I can do this. Let’s do this.” She said but not as confidently as she had hoped. She did know how to fly  _ most _ anything.

The controls were basic and the layout pretty universal. She knew what everything was. Poe watched her quickly follow basic start sequence, smiled at her before handing her a helmet and closing the cockpit. 

“This one is a bit tricky. the full size Xwings have a smoother handling, but a greater exceleration, so just get used to the feel of this and its control setup.” Poe mentioned through the comm in her helmet. 

Rey couldn’t hear him. Rey was listening to the engine. She had listened to engines her whole life. This one was old, thirty something years. But that was evident from its clunky exterior.  2L2 compression coils made a lighter more strained noise. Smaller than the actual X Wing's 4L4. She could not hear the soft hum of the warp drive warming up. It made sense that it was removed from a training wing, but the buttons were still on the console. She lifted it off the ground

“So far so good” She heard the pilot say encouragingly. She frowned. She knew he was just being supportive, But she felt a little coddled.

The training wing had the same 75DPF maneuverability as her speeder back on Jakku but with a T-16 Skyhopper control sick. This was a sleek and elegant machine, nothing like the blocks she was used to. A wicked smile crossed her face. Being underestimated did have one advantage… She looked out the cockpit and down at Poe. Some of the other pilots had gathered to watch, Nien Nub was still eating on top of a cargo box, but had a beady eye trained on her. 

Poe noticed her grin, but it was too late. 

Rey decided to hold down the compressor cable and charge the Cryogenic battery to beyond capacity. She had pulled a similar stunt to win a race on Jakku. For any onlooker it would seem like she was choking the intake. As the realization of what she was doing dawned on them, the training wing took off like a laserblast. The stabilizers on the wing were not as fine tuned as Rey usually made them, so it took a little more muscle to pull up and around the trees. She shifted the throttle on the fusial thrust engines and decided to try out the differences between the famed X wing S foils. 

Besides being a clunky training model, tt still flew better than a lot of the garbage on Jakku. Loops were seamless and she found herself skimming a nearby lake as the sunset reflected off the waves. The S foil had only two settings, But she found she could get some unique maneuvers by manually holding the switch in between the two positions. Tipping a wing in the water to aid in a quick U turn. She smiled and let all her previous frustration wipe off her like the clouds she pierced through. 

Poe crackled over the comm “You ARE Insane! Did you manually deactivate the compensator?” 

Rey noticed the unknown indicator on her dash was frantically flashing red. Smugglers and scavengers never used the compensator, G-force tolerance was a badge of honor. 

She flew over the base low and made a B line for the hangar. The S foil Expanded and she accelerated 

“Wh- Rey? REY! What are doing?”

The training wing pulled up at the last moment and headed vertical. Leaving a dramatic burst of wind in the pilots faces. 

“She’s trying to max the speed by stalling out!” Pava yelled as she ran outside to watch.

The wing was almost out of the atmosphere when she cut everything and began free falling.

As she plummeted to the ground Rey tried the same compressor trick as before, only now with the added bonus of terminal velocity. 

Her breath was caught as the G Forces pushed her back in the seat. She shook, the frame shook, but her eyes were locked on the speed gauge tipping past it’s max calculations. A mad grin escaped her as the training wing held its own. It took all her strength to pull the wing to horizontal, and she came very close to dying in a horrible ball of fire. But she managed out of the dive and glided back up into a landing circle pattern. 

Over the comm, Poelet out a long breath. Rey could hear the sound of the hoots and hollers in the background. 

“LAND. NOW.” 

One perfect landing later she was confronted with the excited greetings of Pava and Snap Wexley. Karé Clapped her on the back and called her a reckless nerf herder. Rey felt perfectly content until she saw commander Dameron storming up to her from across the tarmac.

Poe looked furious. “Was your Comm broken?!” He accused.

The squadron fell away from Rey like she suddenly had a disease. 

She met the commander's intense gaze with her own. “Something wrong with my flying?”

“I did not hear a single word from you while you were in the air. I don’t know what you’re used to back on Jakku, but this is a SQUAD! Hot Shot flying is one thing, but what needs to happen is COMMUNICATION! I’m not flying with a single pilot who’s going to be some silent wildcard! Thas how you get killed! That's how you get teammates killed!”

Rey was not expecting his anger at that part of her flight. Her face must have shown her confusion because Poe’s face dropped a little bit of the anger it was holding.

BB-8 suddenly came whizzing out from behind him bleeping excitedly. 

“Friend-Rey has broken Base speed record! Previous top speed - 1,200 km/h  Friend-Rey’s top speed 1,562 km/h”

There was a moment of tense silence. Poe glared at Rey. 

“That was my record.” Poe mentioned with a humorous flat tone. Temporarily, respect overlapped his frustration. 

“I will work on communication” Rey admitted. “Teamwork was…not a thing on Jakku” 

Poe looked at her straight in the eyes. 

“You can join us tonight. You’ll be with Blue squadron. You will answer EVERY communication. And ou will not to break anymore speed records.” 

  
Rey’s wouldn’t be able to break a speed record if she tried. She was not in an X wing. She was in a hulky  VCX-100 light freighter. It had no speed. no maneuverability and she was stuck in an even bulkier space suit. One size did not fit all, especially not her tiny frame. 

Commander Dameron, Rey, Pava and Snap were assigned to the Orinda system. There had been a struggle with the First Order. The First Order had won, but then made a hasty retreat. Their orders were to scavenge parts from drifting wreckage from the battle. Rey and Snap were in space suits in the freighter as Dameron and Pava flew cover. 

Snap was exceedingly unnerved by the wreckage. 

“I don’t like it. I hate scavenging in general. Sorry. No offense”

“None taken. It’s not the best life... think of it like recycling!” Rey replied as she locked onto a Tartan class patrol cruiser. 

The large ship had an even larger hole in it. Taking it down must have been a big victory for the Orindan Armada, but it did not win them the war. They entered the dark and empty ship in suits and walked the remaining corridors looking for a useable data port. Rey found one immediately and attached here data drive to start downloading any available information from the craft. The rest came to her like an old routine, without thinking, she headed to the galley and raided the food. Then the officers quarters. while the data drive was still loading. 

“What are you looking for in there?”Snap asked as he cautiously followed her around.

Rey had busted open every foot locker in the captain's quarters. As if on cue, a fancy bottle of something floated up from the contents of the destroyed create. She held it and showed him with a victorious grin. 

“Whisky! You found Dorian Wiskey?”

“Never found an officer quarters without one. Guaranteed seven days rations!” She announced with pride

Then it was down to the engineering shafts. Like Chewwy, she quickly worked with her bag of tools to disassemble the important parts and threw them up to Wexley.

“We don’t need a Frigate coolant system” 

“but they’ll fetch five days rations on the market! each!” Rey tried to reason. 

“We are not in the market. No one counts in rations, and it is just more stuff for me to haul back.” 

“It seems a waste to not use everything. It is so rare that you get to be the first on a site for a scavenge. It’s like a full parts store in here!”

Something caught her eye; a green flash on an indicator of an unknown black box.

“What’s that?” Snap asked, following her eyeline. 

“Dunno.” Rey frowned at the box. It was new tech. 

“We don’t need it. Let’s move” 

They continued to the next part of the ship. 

"Power cells are the most important, but they are so often the first destroyed." Rey made a sound like a child on christmas when she pried open the grate to see this one had all cells intact. Not just primary, but auxiliary and emergency cells were sittng pretty in perfect condition. 

“Rey, Report.” Dameron chimed in over the comm.

“Rey here!” Rey quickly responded “Five power cells, acquired. Lots of ion coils and some Compression clamps. A couple Frigate coolant systems ripe for the taking if we want, and a nice bottle of-” Snap held a hand out gesturing frantically not to mention the bottle of whisky he was now clutching.

“Nothing... a nice bottle of nothing.” she stammered out. 

“We don’t need coolant systems.” Dameron answered. 

“I tried to tell her that, commander” Snap grinned at her. Did she just make another friend?

“The resistance is missing out on some much needed side income then.” Rey replied. 

“We will consider opening up a smuggling business later. Retrieve what you can from the Databanks and let’s move on to the next ship ” 

They grabbed the data drive and some supplies needed for the Millennium Falcon and hauled them back to the freighter. 

They disembarked and moved onto a drifting fighter ship. The freighter pulled up as close as Snap could manage and drifted alongside the vessel. Rey had to space walk for this. As the freighter doors opened she looked out into the infinite abyss of space, and held onto her lifeline. She took a deep breath and launched herself toward the fighter with a tool set strapped to her back , it was only jump of about ten feet, but space and the idea of drifting off into nothingness makes everything terrifying. She quickly grabbed onto the X-wing and scrambled to the back engineering panel. She popped open the armor and proceeded to systematically dismantled and collect the hyperdrive. 

“Why don’t we take the whole ship? the cargo hold is big enough.” She asked over the comm. 

“For the same reason the smugglers can’t. They are still registered by the Orinda Government. Stealing their property is a capital offence, dead or otherwise.” Snap informed her

“If you want to get technical about the galactic treaties,” Pava piped up “The Orinda government is getting fined for littering every solar rotation these things continue to drift out here, same with the First Order ships.”

“Except the First Order doesn’t give a flying Kriff about any Galactic law,and the Orindan Government has slightly better things to worry about, like negotiating terms of surrender.” Snap shot back

“And although it would be convenient to just take the ships, and negotiate the fine with the Orindans  after we save their butts with their own ships, the resistance has to stay on the side legality if we are to get the support of the senate.” Poe interjected

Rey had filled her supply packs during the conversation. They were set for a while now. 

“Alright, I’m moving onto the next one”

She pulled along her lifeline back to the ship.

The next X wing looked almost entirely intact. She looked into the cockpit. There was a single laserblast through the cockpit canopy. The pilot’s body was floating inside, Rey felt like she lost her appetite for a week. She had seen dead bodies before, lots. But she was used to desert swept bones from years gone by. This one looked like any of her newfound squad, only frozen and disfigured by the effects of space. 

“Come on Rey, I got a bad feeling ab-”

All of a sudden two vessels with etched out markings came out of Hyperspace. 

There was a moment of surprise by all parties.

“Pirates!” Pava shouted over the comm. 

The Ships started blasting the freighter and Pava’s X-wing.

“Gah!” The freighter took some damage. It had no weapons to return fire. 

Dameron’s X wing was on the defensive immediately, returning fire and pursuing the crafts away from Snap. 

“I’m putting my shields up! hold on to something Rey!” Snap yelled.

“No!” Rey cried as she watched her lifeline get incinerated in two by the deflector field.  

Rey watched helplessly as Dameron pursued the first pirate craft, followed by the second pirate, followed by Pava’s X-wing. 

Lazers lit up the sky as they tried to hit each other and the cargo craft which was now trying to seek refuge under the wreck of the Tartan Cruiser. 

A stray laser hit the wing of the X wing she was clutching and sent her spinning away from the battle 

“Oh - come on! “ She cussed to herself and tried to clamor to the cockpit. 

“On your six, Poe” she heard Pava over the comm. 

“I’m trying to shake ‘em now”

“Rey, what’s your~~~”

Her comm channel fuzzed. She must be too far out of range of her ship.

Rey dismantled the latch on the cockpit hatch and flung the cracked canopy off completely. She grabbed the dead body and winced as she maneuvered it carefully out of the craft.

“I am so sorry” She told the corpse  as she released it into space.

She then strapped into the pilot's seat and reviewed what was still working on the aircraft. The power cells were drained. She pried the back of her chair off  to expose the Life Support systems. She rerouted the power from the emergency generator to the Power cells and the controls lit up. She involuntarily gave a little yip of joy. 

The craft had been flung quite a distance now. She put thrusters on low and tried to stabilize. The amount of power she had from the emergency support system was not enough to help her squad, but it might be enough to get her back to the freighter.  With no shield generator, she was still an open target, but at least she wasn’t going to get lost in space any more, She tried returning to comm range. 

As she approached, she watched the dog fight. Dameron and pava were weaving in and out of wreckage like the pros they were. But barrel rolls and corner backflips could not help them against the frantic spray of laser fire the pirates were laying down. Pava couldn’t get a clear shot on Dameron’s pursuer without risking hitting him and was too preoccupied dodging the hail of fire the second pirate was laying down.

Rey checked her lazer banks. 1/4th full. she increased thrust to compensate, and fired from the drifting ship a couple good hits on the ship pursuing Pava. 

Rey entered Comm range.

“- incoming. I ~ think it is a transmitter” Snap was saying. “My shields deflector shields are at minimum!” Pava reported frantically over the Comm

“I got your six!” Dameron tried a tricky maneuver and Landed a few more shots to Pavas pursuers.

Just then a massive Imperial Cruiser Warped out of Hyperspace.

“What the?”

“The First Order!” Two Tie fighters joined the fray shooting both pirate and resistance alike. 

Rey aimed for a Tie Fighter and shot it down. But another one soon replaced it. 

“Rey reporting! We gotta get out of here!” She shouted through the comm

“Rey! Good shot! Where are you?” Dameron replied

“In one of the dead ships. Got lasers but not much power. Feeling pretty naked without a shield” 

“Copy that!” said Pava

“Snap, Can you reach her?”

“I can try, but with no weapons, just a lumbering- “

“I’m Hit!” Rey watched as Pava’s engines burnt out

“Pava!” Dameron yelled.

Rey shot down the Tie fighter pursuing her. 

“Distract them! I got her!” She said, Half formulating a plan in her head. 

Rey matched course with the listing ship and turned her X Wing upside down. She used the astro mech cables to attach to the bottom of the ship and decelerated to force them to a halt. 

“Life support still good?” Rey asked.

“For the moment. Yeah” 

“Snap, you hiding still?” Rey shouted.

“No one’s shot me yet” 

“Stay hid. We’re coming to you. Open your bay door. Cut your shields when were near so we can slide in then we can warp out of here.” Rey surprised herself with the command in her voice

“Sounds like a plan! I’ll keep them occupied!” Poe confirmed 

They neared the cargo ship hid under the Tartan at a snail's pace.  One of the pirate ships got shot down above them. It was on a collision course. 

“Were not going to make it!” Pava exclaimed, having a topside view of the incoming vessel.

Rey used the last of the fuel in a quick burst and they just missed the speeding wreckage. But they were now heading way too fast towards the open cargo bay

“Were coming in too hot!” Rey told snap  “Match our speed!” 

“I got this!” Snap started accelerating.

The size of the X wing just barely fit in the cargo bay. Two on top of each other was near impossible. Rey disengaged her craft from Pava’s. 

“Rey!” Pava yelled when she realized what was happened

Rey managed to steer her own craft right side up once more as Snap caught Pava’s craft. 

“Good catch!”

“Watch me do two for two” Snap said Hopefully “You coming on board?”

“Can you catch me?” Rey replied.

“Just say the when”

Rey jumped with more force she thought she had. “Break!” She yelled hoping her timing was correct. 

It was. Snap pushed the reverse thrusters and the Cargo bay’s artificial atmosphere caught her and flung her onto the top of pava’s X wing. She landed on her back like a ragdoll with a thud. 

“All aboard?” Snap shouted. 

“Roger that!” Rey groaned.

“Let’s get out of here!” Pava responded.

“Warping out!” Poe exclaimed and they left the remaining pirate to deal with the Imperial cruiser. 

Back at base, Rey was unofficially initiated as an honorary resistance pilot. The recounted the events and complimented each other in kind on their slick moves. 

Their mission was more dangerous than they had imagined it would be, but they did come back with some loot, and Rey dragged an almost complete list of supplies back to the Falcon just as the sun was rising. 

She dropped the supplies in the cargo hold and with a heavy sigh realised just how tired she really was. She shuffled over to the triple bunks in the Falcon and curled up, too tired to even look for her temporary room on base.


	5. Chapter 5

After thorough debriefing, General Organa explained the black box Rey had not recognized was a tracking beacon that alerted the First Order. General Organa suspended any further scavenging missions and concentrated on gaining materials solely through diplomatic means. 

Essentially grounded, Poe had hoped to instead see more of Rey and to get to know more of the new hot-shot pilot. But beyond their recent adventure, she was never seen around base. The majority of her time was spent deep in the Millennium Falcon’s mechanics, tweaking and testing every system on the craft. Once, on an early morning run, Poe spotted her returning from the forest. And another time he found her once again sneaking into the medical unit to check on Finn. 

Finn was recovering fast. He was out of the bacta tank and lying on his back in his own corner of the infirmary room. The Medically induced coma should be wearing off and Poe decided he could probably use a friendly face.

Rey had collected wildflowers and placed them in a makeshift vase by his bed. She was crouching in the chair by his bedside when Poe entered. She was clutching a lightsaber and staring it like she wanted to drill a hole in it with her eyes. She eyed him when he entered. He pulled up a seat across from Rey. Poe rested his arm on Finn’s bed and looked at him. 

Both were silent. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Poe admitted after a long moment. “You’re supposed to say good things. you know?  Nice words. I’ve heard It helps.”

Rey looked over and held a moment on Finn’s face.

“I don’t really know him. He wanted to run, but came back for me.”

She looked down at the lightsaber again. Her face was hidden as she looked down, but Poe noticed he knuckles getting white as she griped it with intensity. “He is the kindest, bravest person I know.” she told the floor. 

Poe gazed at Rey. “What happened back there?”

“I escaped the interrogation room and was working on figuring a way out of there when h-”

“Whoah. Wait. Back up. How the hell did you escape…  _ There _ ?”

“It wasn’t easy. Kylo Ren. He has this power. This aweful, aweful t _ rick _ where he can just  _ push _ into your memories. He can just...ransack this part of you that was you. The one part you thought no one could take away.” 

She frowned. frustrated at her inability to explain how truly grotesque and violating this man’s actions were when she looked up and realised tears were streaming down Poe’s face. She realized with dawning horror she didn’t have to explain to him.

“Poe. oh god, I’m so-”

“How did you escape?” His voice was low and rough. His expression was intense and ignored the water running from it.

“I felt so helpless. I couldn't stop him from taking what he wanted from my mind. But I found, if I backed away... I could wander into his. So I started just saying what I found outloud.”

“How?”

“I don’t know… But it spooked him.” She turned to him with care and sorrow like a desperate apology “I honestly don’t know! I couldn’t explain it if I tried!”

He leaned back from her and wiped his face. Shuffling in his seat, he gazed at the floor. He looked anywhere but at her. Crossing his legs and folding his arms up. His heavy breaths made his nostrils flair.

Eventually, Poe’s eyes settled over at Finn. His gaze did not soften. 

“What happened to Finn?”

“We had made it out of the base, Finn mentioned the Falcon was parked somewhere in the forest. But Kylo Ren was there. I don’t know how he beat us into the forest, but he was there. I shot him, but he threw me back. He didn’t physically touch but a wall of rage hit me and I flew back and up into the air. I don’t remember much after that... I woke up to the sound of Finn’s scream. I looked over as he fell.”

She locked eyes with Poe. Her face contorted with pain, her eyes glistened with her own tears. “I felt it, Poe. The dark side. I felt the power of my rage and fear and fury. I HATED him. with every fiber of my being so much I shook. I hated him with so much force it moved objects. I found myself doing things I never thought were possible and I fought him off. But hate only got me so far. And he was so much more powerful than me. He had me over a cliff. I realised I was going to die. I was going to die and my hate meant nothing. But instead of pushing me off he spoke to me. He said I needed a teacher. I was disgusted. He  _ admired _ my hate. I was disgusted with myself. No way was I going to become like him. So I let my hate go. And then everything seemed to move in slow motion. I didn’t kill him. but I was able to beat him and walk away. I left and found Finn.”

“You should have killed him” The pilot murmured

“Maybe” Rey answered

There was a long silence. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor painfully marked the passing moments. 

Half the night ticked by until the tension in the air settled enough that they could speak again.  

“How did  _ you _ escape?”

A ragged laugh escaped Poe. “Finn!”

“No.” She wondered honestly “ How did you escape Jakku?” 

“Our fighter was hit. I had pulled his ejector cord at the appropriate altitude, then my own, but it was stuck. hurtling down, I tried to straighten out, but Tie fighters with half a left wing are hardly good at gliding. I Kicked out the glass before impact and was thrown when the thing glanced a dune. lucky the restraints just kept my jacket and not my arms. ”

Poe looked a little more relaxed as he settled in to tell the story.

“I woke up at night. No Finn. No ship. I wandered for a while, dead tired, almost ended up food for these six legged dog-things”

“Knaw-jaws! What happened?” She clutched her knees to her chest like a kid being told a bedtime story.

“The things lunged at me out from a dune. I was in no position to fight them. Just barely held them off when they collapsed on top of me. This tiny guy had come out of nowhere and helped me out! He had a bandana over his face and Piercing yellow eyes. Killed the two Knaw-jaws with a single blow. Said he was the constable. He had been hunting these beasts for miles, called it predator control.”

“The constable! You ran into the constable? He’s the worst! For scavengers, a least.”

“Well he was good news for me. I told him my situation. He didn’t believe me at first, but I looked the part. At that time, I looked exactly like I had been Interrogated by the First Order then thrown out of a crashing fighter and harassed by Knaw-jaws. He had heard about the First Order’s massacre at Tuanal. He wasn’t much of a fan of the Republic, but he had a strong sense of justice. So he got me transportation off the planet on a Bezorite freighter to Ponemah. After that I made contact with a resistance faction and signaled back to base.”

“The constable…” Rey murmured looking down again. thinking. “Wait, Tuanal? Massacred?” 

“Thats where the last piece of the map was. They killed the whole village for it.” This time Poe averted his eyes.

Rey took a shaky breath and gripped the saber tighter.

Another moment of silence. 

“Nice things.” Rey mumbled, breaking the silence. “We need to say nice things. For Finn.” She looked determined. 

Poe opened his mouth, but couldn’t think of anything. He started with what he missed “...Sunrises on Yavin Four”

“Green things” She replied

“A clear flight plan, and a good ship” he mused. 

“with no ignition compressor!” She laughed in agreement

“Or damned grounding cables!” He laughed as well,reflexively pating Finn’s leg as if to say  _ Right buddy? _ . 

Finn lay still. His smile fell. Rey noticed. 

“Sweet ration packs” She said quickly. 

“Ration packs? no… Runyip steaks, hot off the grill. Infact anything hot off the grill!”

“Those always did smell so good. . .” Rey recalled, and it looked to the pilot like she might had never had anything other than rations. Poe switched to something simpler.

“Yavin Honey Blossoms” 

“What?”

“There the buds of this flower, when you pick them and eat them they are filled with a sweet nectar they grow on vines all over the old temples on Yavin Four, My homeworld” 

“hmmm.. On Jakku there were these little beetles.. if you ate the abdomen they were sweet”

“Ewwww” Poe laughed.

“Yeah... they also made you mighty sick!”

“No! why would anyone-! That can’t count! ” They were both laughing now. For a sweet moment. 

 

Then they fell quiet.

 

“What else is a good thing?” He sighed.

“Finn” Rey said quietly, looking at the boy in the bed. 

“Finn” Poe agreed.

“He will get better. Good things lie ahead.” She told him, not breaking her gaze. “I know it.”

They held the silence for a little while longer.

“The Falcon’s fixed. I leave tomorrow morning.” She announced 

“Oh?” Poe was surprised at the speed of her repairs. He understood that time was a factor. Yet it did seem a little sudden. He knew she felt bad leaving Finn. He didn’t know what to say to her. So they both just sat as the sun set outside and the stars came out. 

“I have to go.”  She said somberly. Rising to her feet.  She took a moment by Finns side, then kissed Finn ever-so-gently on the forehead. 

“We will meet again, my friend. I promise.” 

She turned to Poe. He stood up to bid her goodnight.

“Watch after him.” 

“You know I will.” He smiled at her. 

For a moment both wondered about hugging again. But Rey gave only a curt nod and left the room. 

Poe switched chairs when she left. He patted Finn on the shoulder reassuringly. “She’ll be back”

He pulled out a data drive from his pocket to read. As he studied schematics, his free hand rested gently on Finn’s. 

Eventually a nurse came by to report progress. The Nothoiin found  Poe asleep in the chair, head resting on the side of Finn’s bed. She draped a blanket over the commander. 

It was a chilly, foggy morning on D’Qar when Rey left. The world felt brisk and new. It filled Rey with determination for her journey ahead. General Organa was there. She had outfitted Rey with new clothes and was double checking every supply on the ship. Chewbacca, mock insulted,  reassured her the Falcon was in working order. Rey was unaccustomed to this sort of special treatment but honored nonetheless by the general's attention. As General Organa offered her a coat from the supply, Rey wondered if this was what having a worried mother was like. The general dismissed it as importance of the mission. But Rey felt something more.

“You are reminded of another departure” She wondered, As Leia Organa Hugged her farewell. 

“This one will be different. I can feel it” Leia looked hopeful and strong. Rey echoed her look.

As the ship left general Leia Organa waved goodbye. So did the rest of the resistance. 

Mostly.

Rey’s thoughts went to Finn and commander Dameron by his side. Rey was happy someone would be there for him. She wished them both safe journeys as she watched the planet become the size of a ball, then a marble, then disappear. 

  
“I will come back for you, Finn.” She promised out loud. No one knew more than her how important that promise was.


	6. Chapter 6

Finn remembered being struck down. A searing white hot pain, then nothing but cold. A Cold that sank into him. Pierced through him. Fin felt like he was drowning in cold. Then there was only dreams.

 

In his dreams he saw his family, He didn’t see their faces, it was blurry. He would not have recognised them anyway. But he knew they were his family, it felt lovely. All of a sudden he was jostled, his comfy world crumbled and the fear and anger of the first order surrounded him. Kylo Ren was there. He could feel him watching. screams of violence the massacred villagers rang through his core. This was only the beginning. He could feel Kylo Ren and his master watching Finn from across the galaxy. They whispered orders to give up and die. That Rey was dead. They said that he was too weak and he failed her. That the resistance failed. Poe was dead. He had killed his friends in his foolish plan and that he had been abandoned in the cold. 

 

Finn watched in his dream as Rey was struck through with a lightsaber. The familiar black insignia  X-wing crashing in the distance. Finn resisted. He searched for the truth. He had heard cries, and explosions…  Somewhere a hand was reaching for him, but he couldn’t move his arms. 

 

Somewhere in the darkness, beyond the voices of hatred and fear, closer to him maybe. He heard the oh-so-faint sound of laughter. Not at all malicious like first order voices, but warm like family. Two people were talking and laughing. It seemed so far away that he could not make out the words, but felt the camaraderie, like a comforting blanket. He moved towards it and away from the cold abyss beckoning him. 

Rey entered His thoughts. Sweet, beautiful, ferocious Rey. He felt better just thinking about her. They were to have many more adventures. He knew it. She was so important. She could change things. She was the beginning of something good. 

 

“we will meet again my friend, I promise” he heard her say. Rey’s words were a battle cry against the darkness.

 

A ripple of warmth started from his forehead and moved throughout his body. “I know we will!” He shouted out to her voice. In his mind, he ran to her, But he was running in place. He panicked and ran faster, Suddenly his white stormtrooper armor was chafing him everywhere. 

 

Poe walked over to the running Finn, “She’ll be back” he mentioned calmly. Finn looked over at poe, He was still bleeding from the head. In a swirl of memories Finn remembers every embrace Poe gave him. Every fraternal pat. Every smile or nod of recognition. Poe was his brother in arms and he was a damn good reason to keep fighting. Poe felt like a place to belong. Finn felt a hand holding his. Without seeing, he knew it was Poe’s. And he held on to it. Tight.

 

Finn wasn’t going to die. Not now. The whispers continued, but Finn knew the truth. 

 

The first time Finn awoke, it was only for a moment. He thought he was alone. He was in a dark room. no, it was just night. There was a hum of a monitor and some beeping. There was a soft snoring noise too. somewhere near, someone was with him. Finn had no where near the effort to turn his head, But he knew he was somewhere safe. He fell back into sleep, happy. 

 

He awoke a second time with hazy eyes. everything was too bright. It took a lot of effort to keep his eyes open. He turned his head. Next to the bed was poe. he had a guitar and was plucking out a melody like a wandering thought. Finn closed his eyes again and was lulled by the sound to sleep. 

 

This night he felt stronger. Waking again, he heard the beeps, the monitor… he held his breath waiting for, yes…. the sound of sleep. The soft sound of a comrade who was willing to stay by Finn’s side. Any lingering voices of negativity were banished back to the edges of the galaxy. Finn had the unprecedented strength to look over and move his hand towards the messy head of brown locks resting on his bed. 

 

It was daylight again. Finn found himself in the presence of a Nothoiin nurse with gold skin and a white uniform. She smiled at him when she noticed him staring and spoke a language Finn did not understand into a communicator. She then bent down and held his hand. The wonderful, gentle sensation ran up his arm like fireworks. She motioned over to the side of the room and Finn’s eyes followed to see a collection of flowers and his jacket. Finn smiled at the jacket. The nurse must have picked up on that because she brought it to his side. and put his hand on it. Finn held on tight. 

 

Night time came even faster and Finn waited to hear the familiar breathing. There was none. He was disappointed but quickly countered with relief that the pilot was getting some proper sleep. Finn had no clue how much time was passing. The Jacket was still in his hands he decided to push himself to draw it closer to him. 

 

The next morning he felt like he was waking from a dream. He kept his eyes closed and realised he felt a lot less confused and dizzy when he did. He also felt like he could stay awake longer. so he just sat and listened. The world was interesting. Yes there was the sound of the monitor still, but he could hear nurses walk by every once in awhile, he could catch pieces of conversation. and he could feel the leather of Poe’s Jacket. The most beautiful sound was happening too. Finn managed to peek open his eyes toward the sound. It sounded like sizzling, but there was no heat. Out the window, It was raining. Finn watched as the whole world outside took a shower. It was mesmerizing and beautiful. He watched for a long while. 

 

It was day when he awoke again. How long had he slept? Was this the next day? What day is it? With his new strength came questions and confusion. He squirmed in the bed and searched the room. His eyes locked on Poe, who was startled, looking up from his reading material like a deer in headlights.

Delighted, Finn let out a“POeee” but it came out a hoarse gurgle. He had not rehearsed talking yet. It was a disaster. 

 

“Finn! Hey buddy!” Poe lept up and sat on the end of the bed with him resting his hand on his leg. The sensation shot through his body. 

 

Finn wanted to ask him a hundred questions. Where was Rey? did they win? How did he survive? 

His mouth decided to try to say them - all at once. 

 

A slur of incomprehensible sound sputtered out of unsteady pipes. Finn stopped as soon as he recognised that was him making the ungodly noise. Poe looked confused. worried? scared. Finn motioned for poe to give him a second by putting his finger up to his mouth. 

He took a deep breath. composed a single thought. Made the shape with his mouth. then added air, cautiously. “We win?” 

 

Nailed it - thought Finn. His voice was gruff and raspy, it was sort of cool. 

 

A broad smile spread across Poe’s face, it was contagious. “Yeah. Yeah we won, you did great…” 

Poe was going on, but Finn was losing focus. He concentrated on forming his next question. 

 

“Rey?”  He held his breath. 

Poe’s face lowered a fraction but was still smiling. He told him She was fine. 

 

“She wanted to be here when you woke up, but she had to leave to find Luke skywalker. The map has been completed. She left with Chewy a week ago.”

 

“Aweek?” His nice raspy voice caught. 

 

Finn’s head spun. Was he out for a week? More than a week? how serious were his injuries? What happened? Words were frantically waiting to be formed, he let out air but it was just a sigh as the dizziness came back and he fell onto the bed.  His eyes shut down again and he heard Poe talking to him. He felt his hand hold his.  

 

When he woke up in the morning, he was alone again. That was ok. More time to focus. He worked on sitting up. This was an all day affair. After a short nap he impressed himself with a successful monosyllabic conversation with a nurse who had grey-blue skin and pointy ears. She explained that he was injured up the back with a lightsaber. That he was expected a full recovery. She asked if there was any pain, and finn noticed when he moved, there was indeed pain on his back. The nurse stated this was a good sign that he could localize feeling, and told him, if the pain got bad there was a button he could press. She wrote down her notes and told Finn he was doing great and healing ahead of schedule. She smiled and told him he should be on his feet in no time. 

 

Finn was now awake most days.

His arms and legs were slowly starting to come back. At first, everything still felt like it was asleep. his arms did not want to obey him. It was pretty scary not being able to move his toes. but Finn was no stranger to hard work. Every day, getting better was his goal, and he was always good at making goals. 

 

The nurse worked with him on physical therapy in the mornings, and Poe visited in the evenings. At first, he would just go over what happened. Poe had to repeat himself the first few times. Finn had to concentrate to understand. Memories and dreams seemed to mix together. Then as finn got better, Poe would just talk. What happened that day. What the resistance was doing. Mostly he was working recon. The first order had retreated into several hidden factions to regroup. The Galactic senate was in chaos. Some urged for General Organa to return and lead, but she was dedicated to the idea that the First Order would return more powerful , and that the war was far from over. Instead she had a list of candidates she was close with and who would allow her the manpower required to continue fighting. 

 

Finn found all of this fascinating. However, as Poe continued talking, finn couldn’t help but wonder about his future. What was going to happen to the ex-stormtrooper now? Rey had her cause. Poe had his, What was Finn’s cause? His usefulness regarding  information about the first order blew up with the oppressive weapon-planet he had known his whole life. He had always liked the idea of no more need for wars. But there was no way he was going to find a place like that. The First order had promised such a utopia, but he witnessed first hand their hypocrisy. The resistance fights for peace too. Peace and freedom.But they seem to always be fighting. After being raised his entire life to fight he seemed sort of over it now that he had discovered what it meant.

 

Finn looked back over to poe, who had stopped talking and was looking sympathetically at Finn. Finn realised he had been scowling while deep in thought.

 

“ What’s next for me?” He bounced the idea into the air to hear how it sounded. Poe seemed caught off-guard by the frankness. 

 

Poe leaned back in his seat facing finn on the side of his bed. He crossed his leg on his lap and held it with a hand. His other hand ran through his hair and landed casually on the end of Finn’s bed. “We’ll, what do you want to do?” He said casually. 

 

His eyebrows raised and he looked expectantly at Finn. 

 

Finn took a breath. “I’m not sure. . . honestly, I have never been given a choice towards my future. This sort of freedom is... unsettling. Daunting.”

 

“Well, I think you would be an excellent addition here. your a damn good shot, and an even better human being. The resistance need good people. ” He smiled.

  
Finn smiled back. The man was a living recruitment poster. 


	7. Chapter 7

The general was in the middle of diplomatic chaos. Poe did not envy the political quagmire that had been created in the wake of the senate's obliteration, But he, like his squadron, did enjoy the temporary vacation from skirmishes. Every once in awhile they were required to ferry a general or an officer to a planet, but most negotiations were safer done through holo-comm and pilots were left to care for their ships and relax.

 

He needed it. They all did. It had been a hell of a couple of weeks. After Rey left Dameron worked on his ship in the mornings. He helped repair the other x wings, and had the evenings for himself - or more specifically, for Finn. He felt guilty for not being with his squad, but there was a physical pull to this one ex-storm trooper. He had an obligation to him. More than just a promise to Rey. He would have been by his side no matter what. 

 

Poe had planned and imagined different scenarios of what would happen when finn woke up. His original and practiced plan was to be suave and helpful. A friendly familiar face. yeah. He was going to act like he had just stopped by and - oh, what luck! Then be a calm and assuring friend. 

 

For a week, his nights were spent just sitting next to the nonresponsive friend. Most of the time, all night. (Unless the nurse ordered him away.) Sometimes he would talk, sometimes he would play guitar. Poe did it to help finn, but he also loved his new ritual. Poe had never felt more at ease then when he was alone in the room with Finn. He unwound. He could take a moment and reflect on everything. Gather thoughts and feelings. He would ruminate on thoughts of hopes and fears out loud and Finn did not judge. 

 

When Finn finally did awake, Poe did not expect to be immediately besides himself with conflicted feelings of fear and embarrassment. His time with Finn had been personal and healing,but now It was like Finn walked in on him reading his diary (not that he had one!) He grew ashamed of himself as he realized his relationship with this person was one-sided and had no idea how the actual person would respond. 

 

The great thing about humans is that they are infinitely more complicated than one can imagine.

 

Poe did not know for sure how much of his conversations Finn had heard, But the ex-stormtrooper seemed to be fine with Poe’s attention. The two talked like old friends. Finn was healing faster than anyone expected. Talking one day, up and about in what seemed like the next. He admired Finns hard work. He knew Finn tried tried to hide his exhaustion after physical therapy, but the poor man sweat too much to be subtle. Yet he still welcomed Poe's presence. Dameron talked to him about all he had missed. Poe had assumed he was going to join the resistance.

  
Yet Finn seemed ...conflicted. 

 

Dameron decided what was needed was a good walk. The forests of D’Qar were lush, and it was easy to lose yourself completely only a mile from base.  They took two small speeders one early morning (after finn was  cleared by medical) and got lost. Finn followed diligently along the path as Poe darted in and out of the woods in front of him, showing off. They Laughed. It was good. 

 

Parking the speeders under the cover of a vine big enough to live in. They entered the ancient part of the jungle on foot.

 

Finn felt the air change all of a sudden. It got darker as the trees blocked the sun, and the air got heavy. He felt very small. The trees were the size of the giant first order command towers, vines and roots were hills and roads. Poe seemed to be able traverse them effortlessly. Looking back every so often at the carefully climbing Finn. Everything seemed to have an aura of peace. They were the only movement in a place that seemed like it had been still for centuries. It was magnificent. 

 

Out of breath, and in utter awe, Finn found himself resting on the top of a vine not too far in. 

 

Poe approached, fearing he had overwhelmed the patient. “I’m so sorry, Are you ok? We can -” 

 

“No, No. It’s fine. It’s just so… peaceful here. It feels old and wise.”

 

Poe grinned. He plunked down next to his friend and stared up at light trickling in from the high canopy. 

“We haven’t even gotten to the best part yet!”

 

It was a short hike that took a lot longer than planned. Finn wanted to walk very slow and look at everything. Poe was not used to walking slow anywhere, but was reconsidering his habit as Finn continually pointed out lots of things that poe had missed in his many times quickly traversing the path. 

Finn would never let it show that the pace was more of necessity than choice. 

The Forest opened up all of a sudden to a breathtaking view of the verdant valley. Poe stood triumphantly at the edge of the cliff and presented the view with a excited grin. The forest stretched beyond the horizon and it looked like no warring lifeform had ever touched this planet. a winding river lead to a far away lake and a flock of unknown birds took flight like they had been waiting for Poe to give them a cue.  

“Whoah!” Finn gaped at … everything.

He sat down on the ledge and took it all in. 

The sun was warm on Finn’s face. The air was sweet and perfect. Everything was perfect. This was everything he needed. He took a deep breath and tried to take it all in. closing his eyes, he tried to recreate it perfectly in his mind so he could keep it forever. He could the sound of water from a nearby stream. 

“Still not the best part...” He Heard poe say. 

He opened his eyes in the direction of the sound to see poe shimmying out of his clothes. 

“There is a hot spring under the waterfall!” He said eagerly, hopping on one foot trying to remove his pants. The pilot was quickly in nothing but his briefs. 

Finn froze. Eyes wide. 

Poe had disappeared down a path that lead to the water. After a moment, Finn got up and followed. Fully clothed. 

The path was well worn, but steep. It followed an overgrown vine down the lookouts cliff face. Finn very carefully made his way down, clutching the vines and rock face until he reached the Waterfall. The view was still magnificent, if now slightly more treacherous. He held tightly to the smaller vines that acted like a railing and the saplings trying to grow along the cliff face in crevices of the rocks and decomposed older roots. The path lead straight under the waterfall. A good twenty feet or so below its top, and an unknown amount of feet down to the valley below. Completely hidden by the curtain of cascading water was the entrance to a cave. Steam rose from it, despite the weather being quite nice out. It was large enough to stand in at the mouth and retreated into the cliff about 15 feet, decreasing in size till it was only about three feet tall. The cave dripped with condensation and mineral residue. Finn peared in to see the cave had several cascading pools in decreasing sizes and ended farther back as very steamy water dribbled from a slit in the cave wall. Poe was in the second of the three pools already relaxing. Finn dipped his hand in the water of the first pool. It was deliciously warm. Poe smoldered a look back at him, already in bliss. 

“ _ This _ is the best part.” 

 

Finn looked around to find a dry place to put his clothes. Outside the cave, back tracking a couple feet, was an old stump worn smooth by the ages that would serve perfectly as a place to neatly fold his clothes. 

 

Resting on the top of the stump already were a pair of briefs. 

 

“Oh. Come on, Man! You’re naked in there?” Poe yelled into the cave. 

“You wanna walk back in soggy briefs or chafing commando for the sake of prudishness, be my guest.” The lackadaisical retort returned out of the cave.

 

Finn mulled it over and frowned.

 

Out in the middle of nature, going all-natural felt like what all his new found freedom felt like- unnerving. Breazy, vulnerable and unnerving. 

 

Finn peaked into the cave at Poe, who dramatically rolled his eyes but dutifully held a hand between his face and Finn’s direction. 

 

Lowering into the pool slowly, Finn let out a long “ehhhhhaaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.” as his aching muscles met the warm water. He sat with his back against warmer water flowing from the second, slightly higher pool. He faced the cave entrance and watched the wall of water distort the beautiful blue sky. If he stretched, his feet met the other side of the pool and he could float. He let out a long sigh of relief. 

“I died, poe. I died and this is heaven.”

 

“Don’t joke like that. I told you this was the best part ” Poe murmured back, both content in the moment.

For a while Finn zoned out. The white noise created by the rush of the waterfall reverberated around the small cave. The sound of the water dripping or gurgling around him faded and he felt he could think clearly about everything. He felt Poe near by, he could feel his emotions. His always-working mind trying to let go and relax. In his meditation, Finn could feel the base, a flurry of humans and needs. He saw the base, he saw hidden temples in the forest, he _ felt  _ the forest. He felt what the Planet felt… Worried. The planet felt worried. What did an ancient planet have to feel worried about?…. OH. 

“Whoah.”

Finn broke from his Steam trance to the sound of Poe’s voice. As he opened his eyes three rocks fell to the ground. 

“Did you see that?” Finn asked 

“They just started revolving around you! Did you do that?” Poe was looking at Finn like a ghost.

“I don’t know! I was just relaxing!”

“You’re force sensitive too?!?”

“What? no! Maybe? I don’t know!” His mind raced.  “I was just floating, then - I felt. Everything! I think The first order is planning something... Thats stupid though, right? The cave started to get noticeably hot now. He gasped at the steamy air. 

“I am just seeing things. maybe this was bad,  Maybe I shouldn’t be here. This is all - ”  The corners of Finn’s eyesight were going dark. 

“Finn.”

Finn looked over at the equally wide eyed Poe. 

“Its ok.” He motioned with his hands to calm down. The voice was soothing but commanding, despite the fleck of panic in his eyes.  

He concentrated and took some slow deep breaths. 

His head cleared. He nodded at Poe.

Poe smiled. 

“Good. I don’t know what just happened, But I did NOT want to have to drag your passed-out nakedness out of here and explain this to medical.”

Finn let out a relieved laugh. He moved to the cooler, shallow end of the pool by the waterfall, feeling the mist from the cold water falling outside the cave on his shoulders. 

“You never stop being full of surprises” Poe smiled, Arms crossed along the edge of the second pool.

Finn looked into the dark, swirling water. He watched the ripples and the foam meander with the current.

“What do you think it means” 

“What?” 

“Me. The rocks. ...For the future.” 

“Dunno. Maybe it means you’d make a great pilot! Lots of Jedi are great pilots.” He mused laughing a little bit. 

“Be serious!” Finn splashed, grinning. 

“I am! Now more than ever. You could do so much for the resistance! Luke Skywalker and Rey will come back, You will train with them, And the Jedi will once again restore peace to the galaxy.” 

“Simple as that?” Finn joked.

“Simple as that! Poe threw up his hands, proudly displaying his perfect plan. Then settled back into the water with his arms cradled behind his head. 

Finn Frowned. Nothing seemed that simple. 

After a while they headed back to base. The sun was setting as they parted ways and Finn collapsed onto his bed in exhaustion. He was no longer in medical and occupied the Room reportedly Rey had been in when she was on base. He wondered about Rey. He wondered about Luke Skywalker. 

He wondered about D’Quar.


	8. Chapter 8

General Leia Organa visited Finn the next Morning after his excursion with Poe. Finn had guessed she had been keeping an eye on him, but since returning from Starkiller base they had never sat down and talked until today. Finn was in his room (or the room assigned to Finn) When he heard a knock at the door. The general in all her glory was on the other side and Finn silently thanked his old First Order habit of constantly being inspection ready. 

“General,”  He almost saluted, and half snapped to attention but realised it was the first order salute, stopped and got a little confused.

General Organa noticed his conflict “At ease, Finn. You are under no obligation to salute me or anyone else. You belong to no army. Currently. May I come in?” 

He showed her to the small table and she sat across from him.  

“I would like to start off by apologizing for not coming to talk with you sooner. I plan to formally thank you for your vaient efforts on starkiller base. You saved countless millions of lives. We are all indebted to your bravery.” Finn fidgeted. He felt uncomfortable accepting honors. “Finn” her voice was like and order. He looked up. She leaned across the table.

“What you did. It took a lot more than guts and luck.” Her voice had loosened. It sounded more like Han solo’s rebellious tones then a studied diplomat. There was an ageless ferocity in her eyes. He was reminded why she was a general. “You are an exceptional young man, Finn. Thank you.” She told him. “Truely.” 

She leaned back and seemed to switch back into political mode. “I have been monitoring your progress closely.  The nurses have keep me informed on your Progress. They are all very pleased with your recovery. They tell me you are their favorite patient” she smiles for a brief moment. then it is gone. ”They have also have informed on the extent of your memories regarding the events aboard Starkiller base.” There is a moment of pause. 

“I am so sorry - ” Finn  says. He wanted to say more, but he did not know how to address the general. General? Leia? Whoever, she was already moving on to what she wanted to say next. 

“

I have been told by a Squadron leader you plan to enlist in the Resistance. I would like to discuss the possibility with you.” 

 

Finn’s stomach knotted. 

 

“General, if you are looking for a soldier, I am one of the best. My scores are top of the class in blaster, tactics and hand-to-hand weapons. I have been trained from birth to -”

“ No.” The general cut him off.  Finn was glad. He had been reciting his accolades like he had been reporting to general Phasma. The ease in which he reverted back to the familiar sickened him. 

“You gave up a life of fighting. You walked away from being another number. Another soldier What do  _ you _ want?” 

There was pause. Finn did not really know what to say. He decided to blurt out the only thing he could think of. 

“Peace. General. I would really prefer no one else dies. Not by the First order, and not by me.”  He felt stupid, so he added “As stupid as that sounds”

The General let out a long breath, but her expression looked almost like pride. “ A foolish dream. But an admirable one.”

She gathered herself.

“I have a task for you, Finn. Should you choose to accept it. I need to restore ties with a Pirate trading port that was recently destroyed by the First Order. I cannot, under my current political situation, be seen supporting an illegal trade and smuggler post, but they have been an invaluable supplier of intelligence, and we need their continued support if we are to win this war. ” She Smiled at Finn “I would like you to help rebuild Maz Katana’s Castle on Takodana” 

“I realise my Offer sounds a lot like a resistance mission. There is no doubt you would be playing a vital role in our victory, but you will be operating as an unaffiliated friendly. Which, in laymen's terms, means we will deny any knowledge or relation to you if you are caught by the New republic or the First Order, and we will be paying you a large sum of money under the table. Enough money to buy a ship and a home on any planet of your choosing” 

Finn was speechless. 

The general continued.

“Kirff knows the Resistance owes you that already, You have earned yourself a home twice over for the services you have provided.” She leaned in once more. “I am offering  _ this specifically _ to you because I sense something about you. You feel the force. I know Maz is no jedi, but she knows the answers to the questions you are seeking. She might be able to help you just as much as you can help her.”  

Finn choked. “Poe told you about the rocks?” 

The general scoffed. “My dear, I am the sister of Luke Skywalker, daughter of Darth vader and mother of Ben… Kylo Ren. While I may not be trained in the ways of the Jedi, one does not have to be to feel your potential.” After a pause, she added “Although I did not realise you had advanced to that level of awareness already. I Look forward to many more surprises from you, Finn. Do you accept my offer?”  

“Can I have a day to think about it? This is all very sudden” 

“Our Facilities will continue to be at your disposal for as long as you require. If you choose to decline We will still provide you with a substantial sum of credits and transportation to whatever planet you desire.”

With that, The general rose, and headed for the door. Finn got up and opened the door for her. 

“I look forward to your response tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.” Finn confirmed. 

 

The general left. 

 

Finn walked back to the table collapsed into his seat. Money. A home. A ship?

 

He needed a pilot. 


	9. Chapter 9

Poe Dameron was lazily fiddling with the Pitch and Roll pedals on his X wing when Finn approached and  knocked on the side of the craft the pilot was working in. 

_ *knock knock knock* _

“It is lunch time, commander.”

Poe smiled at the voice, still half inside the cockpit. 

As he finished up, Finn looked around the hangar. Nien Nub was sleeping in the sun on the wing of his craft. His hand dangling off the side of the foil like a lazy cat.  Kare and Pava were playing cards in a corner and Snap was watching something on a Holo-drive. His feet resting up on some storage crates.

“Wow… the feared resistance.” Finn joked

Pava did not look up from her cards but made a rude gesture with her hand. 

“We are technically on call. But currently our services are not needed”  Poe explained as he jumped down from the cockpit.

“No one can escape the dreaded hurry up and wait. Not even rebels.” Kare Retorted. 

“Hey, don’t jinx this, Kare.” Snap interjected ”When it rains it pours around here. Whats wrong with a little peace and quiet?” 

“I think I would feel a lot better if it _was_ peace” Poe mentioned somberly. “There’s been no activity for weeks now. It feels like the quiet before the storm, like something big is going to happen and we are still unprepared”

“Or maybe we kicked just their asses so hard their hiding for good!” Finn did not see Lolo but noticed now his legs dangling from a cockpit as he kicked his reply. Kare Snorted. Snap Made a ‘Woop Woop’ noise. 

Poe frowned up at the pilot. He did not return a remark. Instead he gave Snap a slight nudge on the arm “Hey. Anything from the mess?” 

Snap shook his head, concentrating on the tiny holographic figures acting out a scene. 

“Kare?” Kare shook her head as well and played a winning hand of cards. 

“Kirffing seven mothers!” Pava threw down her cards. She looked over at Poe. “Chips?” She asked with sudden puppy dog eyes.

“chips.” Poe confirmed and left with Finn.

Nien Nub Gurgled something from on top of the wing as they Passed. Poe mock sighed. 

“two chips” he acknowledged.

The mess hall was full of technicians and officers and some medical personnel. As they stood in line, Poe noticed the ex-stormtrooper frowning down at his plate.

“You ok?”

“The general has an assignment for me.”

“She talked to you then? This morning?” His face lit up. “ What did she say?”

“She offered me an assignment.” He stated slowly. Saying it out loud made it all so official. 

“Well?”

“I’m going to be an ‘unaffiliated friendly’”

Poe’s face dropped into a frown. “Why doesn’t she want you on as a commando or a pilot?” 

Finn wanted to explain everything. But didn’t think poe would want to hear it.

“I’m to help repair relations on Takodana” He avoided eye contact with poe by looking over the assortment of food. Lunch was usually Finn’s favorite part of the day. The glorious assortment of food was way better than anything he had ever had on Starkiller base, but suddenly he was not hungry. His heart broke as he slowly past by the options.

“Oh! like a smuggler spy thing. Cool!” Poe scooped up a bowl of some meaty brown stew thing.

“yeah” 

“When do you leave?”

“I didn’t ask. Soon, I imagine”

“Well, We should have a party before you go.”

“Wha? You don’t have-”

“Please. don’t even.” he dismissed” We have been bored silly of late, Wexley has a bottle of Dorian whiskey that’s been burning a hole in his flask, and it would be nice to have you actually attend a party. You slept through the last one!” He joked

Finn did not really like being reminded that there was a two week gap in his memories. Poe noticed.

“You didn’t miss much, honestly. Tonight’s will be a proper party!”

“Tonight?!”

Poe leaned in “General Organa doesn’t waist time. If you’re leaving soon, it’s SOON.” He smiled. then looked down at Finn’s empty plate. 

“Not hungry?”

Finn panicked and grabbed the first thing he saw. “just chips” he shrugged, playing it cool. 

The Commander eyed him as he reached past and grabbed two bags to take back to the hangar.

Poe didn’t question further. But he wanted to. 

Finn was slightly confused. A party for the pilots was pretty much like all their other down-time, only at night and with drinking. No. that wasn’t accurate. In the daytime they all seemed to be in separate worlds, while now, they sat as a group, they joked as a group. Finn sat in awe of the fact he was part of that group. His jokes never seemed as funny as theirs. But they did not ridicule or shun him.  Maybe it was because they did not see him as competition or a risk, like his stormtrooper bunkmates did. Maybe it was because they were good people? Finn felt a pang of sadness knowing he was leaving these good people. But something in his gut was telling him he was needed elsewhere. 

He trusted his gut, but it had the nasty habit of making his life a lot harder.

Once again, the pilot noticed his frown. “Come on, Buddy. You’ll be back soon enough! Enjoy tonight!” He handed the ex-stormtrooper a drink.

A couple of drinks into the night, Finn was feeling warm and fuzzy. He swayed happily as he did start to enjoy the night. Nien Nunb was arm wrestling Pava while The pilots yelled encouragement and placed bets. Both had a surprising amount of strength for their respective sizes and ages. There was an intense stalemate for a while. Nien Nunb was poker faced.  Sullustans were not known for having any facial expression, but the stress clearly began showing as both competitors arms began to shake. The hollers and excitement came to a crescendo As it looked like Pava was going to win, Then out of the blur Nein Nunb Summoned extra strength and slammed her hand to the other side. The turnaround caused the entire group, Finn included, to lose their minds. Poe lost a pair of new socks and Pava lost her deck of cards. Snap was now assigned clean-up for a week. Nein Nunb Stuffed the socks into his flight jacket and happily blurbled he was retiring for the evening.  

Karé shuffled her prize with pride and announced she would do the same. much to the protest of Pava, who kept shouting for a rematch. 

Lolo had disappeared somewhere already so all that were left was Snap and Pava, Finn and Poe. They Laughed for a bit, discussing Pava’s  technique and possible reasons for such a failure. 

“He must be force sensitive!” Snap exclaimed. Pava laughed, Poe did too,casting an eye towards Finn to see his reaction. Finn was smiling, and gave a nervous laugh. Poe leaned over to finn, and whispered jokingly “you didn’t... did you?” Finn let out a “HA! no” and Shoved the Pilot back over to his seat. "Good! I liked those socks!" 

They laughed. Pava eyed Dameron and then punched Snap playfully in the shoulder. 

“Walk me home, you lunk, Or wont be able to go to PT tomorrow morning.” Snap threw Dameron a smiling look and shrugged as got up. 

“If i don’t see you around before you leave, Finn…. I hope to see you around when you come back.”  The sentiment was as eloquent as he could get in his inebriation. 

“Ex-stormtrooper super spy!” Pava laughed as they left. 

It was all in good humor. But as Finn smiled he could feel his gut knotting up again. 

“Ex-stormtrooper super spy does have a nice ring to it” Poe mused, swaying ever so slightly. 

“Ex-stormtrooper” Poe continued. Fin winced at the title. “What I want to know is what did it? what was the straw that broke your back? did you decide right then and there that you wanted out? Or had you been mulling it over for a while?”   

Finn honestly thought about it. He settled back Against some supply crates in the hangar and looked out into the night. 

“Both. Kinda. There is this feeling. I always had it. This feeling like I wasn’t right, like I just will never belong, and for the longest time it was just a constant ache in my heart. But I knew no other life so I was honestly content to continue like that until my first ground duty. My chance to prove my simulator scores were the real deal. But then Slip died. And i was supposed to shoot. It wasn’t just the fact I couldn’t shoot unarmed villagers. I knew the consequences. All the conditioning up till that moment was 'You do it this way, or we kill you'. Simple as that. Up until then, I did not want to die. But watching all of this death around me. I did not see myself deserving anything other than their fate. It was like my options went from “Shoot the person or die” to just “or die” I could not even consider Shoot the person as an option. Back at base, It had dawned on me that they would find out I did not shoot , and they were going to follow through with their alternative. I was a dead man walking. It is amazing how inventive you become when your options are “Or death.” I tried to figure out how I could pick the “Or”.  As I was walking to report to my superior officer in what would surely lead to my execution and disposal. I looked at the Tye fighters zooming out into the night disappearing into the black, and I wanted that. But I needed a pilot..” He looked over at Poe

“I had no friends that were pilots.  I was about to risk doing it on my own when I heard you.  Well, More specifically I heard you screaming”

Poe's face paled and his expression dropped. He looked down at the napkin he was fiddling with and twisted it tighter into a coil.

“You mentioned in between agony that you were the best pilot in the resistance, So I hid until the time was right and took a chance on you. ”

“Finn…”  Poe looked over at his friend. "I don't think I ever thanked you properly... What you did-"

“Poe.” Finn cut him off. His  gut was all about sharing tonight. and his brain wasn’t stopping him.

It should have.

“I did leave because It was the right thing to do. But I had no intention of returning. I never wanted anything to do with war again.”

Poe dropped whatever look he had. There was a moment of recognition in his eyes before ther grew cynical. “But you came back” he protested

“Rey wasn’t Supposed to get mixed up in this. She got dragged into it because of me. I had to help her. I - I didn’t have a plan to disable the shields. I just wanted to get her out of there. I’m not a hero, I’m not even one of the  _ good  _ guys. I’m going to go to Takodana, but i’m not coming back”

Finn surprised himself as the words vomited out of his mouth. He did not mean for them to sound so biting. But it was the truth. He thought he would feel better in his gut for sayin it. but he couldn’t tell over the pain he now felt in his heart.  

He looked over at his friend; Poe looked like he had been punched in the gut. All of a sudden the man looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. He sat there and struggled with words. But none came.   So he got up and left.

 

Finn’s heart lurched. WHY. He sat in the hangar for a moment as he felt his heartbeat in his throat. STUPID. He got up and walked across the base to his quarters. WHY. He did not sleep.

  
The next morning, He reported to the general. Poe was right, She wanted him to leave immediately. Finn gladly obliged. Lolo was waiting in the hangar for him in one of their smaller transport ships. He smiled at him and got into the cockpit. Finn searched the Hangar for signs of Poe. He didn’t know if he wanted to see him or not. But he found himself searching anyway. Everything he needed was loaded and all systems were checked. Lolo took off and Finn’s heart sank as he left the planet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be short but plentiful. 
> 
>  
> 
> Please comment! It keeps me writing!


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